"I feel like a newborn... Kicking and screaming..."
This song was playing and it spoke volumes. Do you know how freeing it is to be responsible for yourself? better yet, to be secure in the knowledge that YOU are in control of your destiny.
For year and years I have lived under the self imposed pretense that everything that happened to me was out of my control and in reality it is! Isn't that great!!!??
The difference now is I also realize that I control the reactions, the actions and the choices to be made from those events.
Beleive me, I know how stupid this sounds. This is common knowledge shit, right? I never REALIZED it applied to me too!
I swear I just want to stand up and shout because I feel like there is NOTHING I can't handle now. Handle, LIVE and experience with every part of me.
No more hiding... Not ever again. Wow. I suppose the best way to describe this feeling is I have switched on a light in a room that I had been dark for years. I knew where the walls were, knew there was a a door there somewhere and once in a while I would stumble across a chair or a table and know them for what they were.
The great thing is now that not only can I see the whole damn room and everything in it, but I can also see the walls are made of glass and can be shattered!!
Now don;t get me wrong. Flip the switch today. Cool. But I am not going to start throwing stones just yet. : )
Imagine a blind man given sight. Imagine the wonder in his mind as all the things he knew were there are now stark realities he can actually see!
So silly, this is nuts. I guess I have to qualify this blog entry by saying that for all those years I was in the dark, I THOUGHT FOR SURE I WAS NOT!!
I thought I had my tiny little space in this world dialed in, under control and humming the way I wanted it. Come to find out I have been blessed with the poeple in my life and the experiences I have had in spite of myself! That is the silly part!!!
I will NEVER go back to the dark. I will always keep this little glass house of my own creation. We all need safe haven. What I won't do is turn off the lights again. I couldn't.
Scary. Yes, a little. It is a little bit harder for people like me because when, in three seconds, you remove the blinders and carefully crafted parameters that defined me and I am shown the reality of who I am and what I am about it send me into a panic.
Those of you who saw the panic today, I apologize. I overcame it though and here I am back at the very thing that scared the living shit out of me.
I could continue to wax poetic (poeticwaxing.com) but I am just not sure what else to say.
It is almost too good to be true. Just when you think you have found the outer limits of who you are and what you beleive in, someone comes along and shows you you don't know as much as you thought you did.
Hard work ahead Captain. Bring it on!!
Mike
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I've always loved that song! This blog is like taking your picture...:)
Music can be poetry, inspiring us to do all sorts of things both introspectively and collectively with others. Take a look at the icons of modern music: Jefferson Airplane, Hendrix, Grateful Dead, Doors..on and on. A big part of the 1960's rock/hippie music was written to inspire millions to build a better society through love and revolution.
But music isn't always about changing and inspiring millions.
The song you quote, "Take A Picture" by Filter is one of those first person perspective, individually inspirational works of art that is literally electrically charged, and has the effect of a defibrillator. Well, for me at least. It really kicks me in the ass every time, in an often painful but good way.
Mike, there's another line to that song that blows me away when I come to it every single time, and I'd be interested in hearing how it's affected you.
Towards the end, Richard Patrick (lead singer) thunders at the top of his lungs
"Hey Dad! Whaddya think about your son now?!"
Laced with rafter-shaking rage, self awareness, and genuine, healthy pride it's like an eight word anthem to men everywhere, and each of us will feel it very differently.
Think about everything you're going through _RIGHT NOW_, Mike. Then think about that line. I highly recommend you put on a pair of headphones, turn it up loud and truly listen to the song again, particularly the end at that eight word anthem and just release yourself into the music and the moment...kicking and screaming.
You're doing this, Mike. All of it. You. You're choosing this path, you're in control of your own life. Scary, huh? But liberating! That's huge. Soak it in, man. It's an awesome undertaking that so, so many pass from this world never experiencing, and you're doing it by choice. Now. Today. This very second.
The great writer and philosopher Henry David Thoreau famously wrote...
"I went into the woods for I wished to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life! To put to rout all that was not life, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."
Yet another anthem, my friend! Read the quote again. Maybe print it out and carry it in your wallet as a card.
The road you're on might often be hard as hell, terrifying and treacherous but it's the road you've chosen. It's the RIGHT road, and you're on your way to living, and we're all there with you, walking by your side.
Post a Comment